So, work today was a beast. Or a nightmare. Or the beast in my worst nightmare. Whatever. But in spite of that, I’ve still managed to be blessed. Rather, I was incredibly blessed in spite of myself.
I got to work early this morning to help jump-start a new process that went live. The only issue was…well, who am I kidding. Everything was an issue. Which I was prepared for, but optimistically hoping that wasn’t going to be the case.
The reason I say I was blessed in spite of myself is because sometimes it seems like I do everything possible to be undeserving of blessings. I have a bad attitude, I get angry, or I have a conniption. Or all of the above. Today was just one of those days – I was just not a nice person. It’s days like today when I manage to perfect the eye roll and sigh/grunt combo.
But God was gracious, and here’s what happened:
- I ordered a latte…the guy said, “Do you want a grande or a tall?” I said grande. He said, “Ok! I’ll charge you for a tall!” What? That’s awesome!! (And yes I did get a grande for a tall.)
- I got not one but two emails from my super sweet little 8 year old friend…she brightened my day up twice!
- I ended up not having to pay for parking…there was a sign on the booth that said “You’re free to go!”
- I accidentally left my fork ring in the kitchen at work – when I called one of my coworkers, she happened to still be there and found it for me!
- My sister graciously filled in for me when I was supposed to bring snacks to an event tonight. I ended up not going.
- etc. etc. etc.
All throughout the day, the phrase that kept coming to mind was “Won’t let you go unless you bless me.” I didn’t know where that was in the Bible, but recalled a book with that title. Thumbing through the book, I found that this phrase is from a passage in Genesis, when Jacob wrestled with the Lord. “When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, ‘Let me go, for the day has broken.’ But Jacob said, ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me.'” Genesis 32:25-26
This is a striking picture of persistence. I kind of feel the opposite most of the time…like I said, I was blessed in spite of myself. Either way, we serve a gracious and kind God, who gives blessings to his chosen people. And bottom line is, we’re not deserving. It doesn’t really matter if we’re begging for blessing or trying to thwart it. God blesses in spite of ourselves. And everyday I’m thankful for that.
*note: it might matter if we’re begging or thwarting, or maybe the premise of the beg or thwart matters…i don’t really know. if anyone has any thoughts, let me know : )